Journeys by Prof. Susan L. Miller

Author:Prof. Susan L. Miller
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780520286085
Publisher: University of California Press

I told her what was going on, and I said, “I think I am going to get a divorce. I need somebody I can confide in along the way because I have this baby.” She talked to me about this and said, “I think I can save your marriage,” which is not what I was asking her to do. I said, “Do you think it is salvageable?” She said, “Yes, a lot of times babies are stressful and you are both working. Why don’t you bring him in?” I said, “What for?” She said, “We’ll just talk through some things and see.” So he agreed to come, and then the focus ended up being on his parents and how they were meddling, and how they were coming to our house all the time, stirring up trouble. That was not the real issue. She coerced him into talking to his parents and setting some healthier boundaries, which did need to happen, but that was not the cause of our problem.

They stopped seeing her, and the abuse began again, worsening. Winnie went back to her alone and asked what she should do when he hit her, and the therapist said, “Just don’t hit back.”1 Naomi also had a negative experience with therapy when she and her husband went together. The therapist asked Naomi what she did to evoke his anger. Naomi was disgusted by this, but later, after she had left him, she went to a different therapist for individual counseling and found it immensely helpful.

Therapists could play a crucial role in providing external validation to the women when they doubted their own assessments of the danger and abusiveness of their situations. Ellen found strength and support from a therapist “who actually was originally treating my ex, because I made him go to counseling”:

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